Since I was young, there is something in me that feels souncomfortable about having Islam as my religion. I always imagine myself having other religion as my religion. I started to question my parents, staz? and stazah? why Muslim did this and that, for what purpose did they do it, what happen if they don?. All the explanations I get, seems absurd to me. I can? accept the explanation given but who am I to question the religion that is 'the most perfect religion'. At first I thought I keep questioning the validity of Islam because my knowledge about it is so shallow but then, I got distinction (A1) for 'pendidikan Islam' in my SPM (sijil pelajaran Malaysia). I think it doesnt have to take an expert in Islam to realize that the religion is actually nonsense! However, I keep Islam as my religion and I live the Islamic way of life. I dont have any other choice. This going on for years until I fell in love with a Siamese/Buddhist guy. We decided to get married but he refuse to follow me because his younger sister already elopes with a Muslim guy. So, he didnt want to up sad his parents. He asked me whether I could follow him. He said he didnt mind if I dont want to be a Buddhist like him but he asked me whether I could be someone who is non-Muslim so that we could get married. He said he knows that something can be done if a Muslim decides to leave Islam because according to him, there are few lawyers than can help to solve this matter. I realized that the lawyer service requires a lot of money |
I almost break-up with him as I find it impossible! But then, whom am I cheating? The feeling I felt toward Islam is like "etak menanti belah"? I already have doubts about Islam years ago when I still a young girl. But, I keep convincing myself that it is my destiny to have Islam as my religion? I keep telling myself that I have no other choice in life?
I tried to keep my relationship with my boyfriend a secret, but there are people in UiTM (Branch) who loves to "aga tepi kain orang lain" who knows that my boyfriend is non-Muslim so, suddenly the rumor spread out that I am an apostate! People start to whisper when I was near. I was called by the high authority of UiTM (branch) to explain the situation (of course, I denied the rumor). The situation became worse when my parents also heard the rumors! I was called back home to explain (again, I denied the rumor). Till that time, I was so stressed out until I cant concentrate in my studies and as a result, I was dismissed. I try to make an appeal to study at UiTM (branch) but they just ignored me by saying that my grades is helpless and I am hopeless.
My parents were so angry with me for being dismissed from UiTM (? branch). They keep nagging at me about my study, my boyfriend, my religion and et cetera. They want me to leave my boyfriend of 3 years. They said he is the one who influence me to leave Islam by following him. (I dont know how to make them understand that it is my own decision to leave Islam!). They also want me to continue my study at college near home so that they could keep their eye on me. I refused because I realized that I would not have any chance to go meet my boyfriend at all when I was "chained" in my own home!
To keep up with my rebellion, my parents finally decided to marry me off to a guy in the hope that my future husband will be able to make me forget my non-Malay/Muslim boyfriend. So, thats it. I have to take charge of my own life. So, I run away from home to live with my boyfriend who at that time just started working. How I wish my parents could understand that my decision is for my own happiness. Dont they want me to be happy?
He told his family about our decision to live together. His family opposed their eldest son choice of life-partner just because they are prejudiced toward Malay/Muslim after their daughter eloped with a Muslim guy. I feel so disappointed?
Now, my boyfriend and I are living together happily. Sadly, we are not married. Certain people I just knew in this website told me to get married abroad. My boyfriend and I already consider this before. We understand that by marrying abroad, we will have foreign country's marriage certificate. Its ok if we decide to stay abroad. However, we are living in Malaysia. When we come back, we still need to register our marriage here and the problem will definitely arise from that point as how do we register it by having me follow his religion? If we dont register our marriage here, than we are unable to obtain Malaysia marriage certificate and without it, our child might not have his/her birth certificate. Then, the child is considered as "nak haram"? and worse, he/she might unable to attend school without the birth certificate! We already think about all of this before.
I'm still waiting for that special day when we could be married legally...someone out there please give me suggestions. I don't want to live like this forever.
Source : http://www.apostatesofislam.com/apostates/g1/arrianna_index.htm
